Saturday, September 19, 2009

The People You Find in Halloween Superstores

So in the building where Goody's (May They Rest In Peace) used to be, they set up one of the seasonal Halloween superstores. Costumes, wigs, shoes, make up, masks, hats, accessories; they had it all. Mom and I went into the place and had fun looking around through all of their overpriced stuff for about 45 minutes. As always, it was an interesting experience.

And while we were amidst all of the wigs, we heard a voice. Voices, really, all talking very quickly in a foreign language. Of course, with my profound experience with the Asians and their cultures and ways, I knew they were indeed of the Asian variety. They were talking faster than I ever could, repeating the same sounding words over and over excitedly, and all speaking at once yet still understanding every word they all said. It was crazy. They had their digital cameras clutched in their hands and took pictures of everything.

Now, if they truly were tourists from China or Japan, I can understand a few things, but I also have some questions.

1) I'm pretty sure they don't celebrate Halloween in Asia, so all of the interesting wigs and costumes and masks would seem pretty cool.
2) Of all places, why K-Ville??? We have nothing to offer them besides a great movie theater, China Pearl, or Wasabi!! There is no China Town in Knoxvegas. Oh yeah, and that annual Halloween superstore...
3) They had really amazing taste in fashion.
4) They all carried around the "advanced" cameras and cell phones
6) They had backpacks, which explains my tourist theory

Yes, stalking. Everywhere I turned, there they were giggling and running through words and sounds at a hundred miles a second. Well, I managed to do a little amazing inconspicuous stalking myself, just so that you, my faithful readers, could see what I saw in the magical world of Halloween Land...

And of course they were taking pictures of every last thing. Isn't taking pictures of merchandise illeagal?? Because they have come up to me at Borders and told me to stop taking pictures... Anyway, the guy in the apron who worked there of course played his part perfectly by doing nothing. The creepy employee guy just sat on a table and bounced one of the eyeball bouncy balls up and down, chomping obnoxiously on his gum. He had crazy hair, eyes that looked like he was on something, and various rings piercing his nose, ears, and eyebrows (and wouldn't it all get annoying when trying to get through airport security?). He definitely looked like he belonged in that store.

Creepy employe guy was capable of getting up and telling them to stop violating the company rules. But he was lazy, probably had a hangover, or was stoned.

My mom was looking through the wigs after the Asians left. She opened up one of the little bags they come in and pulled one out to look at the length. All of a sudden I felt someone breathing down my neck so I whipped around to find creepy employee guy. Staring off into space, he informed my mother of the store's policy in his banausic, bland, boring, dim, dreary, humdrum, monotonous, plodding, yawn producing, stoned voice.

"Ma'am, it is against the store policy to try on wigs."

My mom's eyebrows flew up.

"Oh no, I was just looking at the length. I am allowed to do that, right? Just look at them?"

"Uhh, yeah..."

"Ok. I would never try them on. Nope."

Then creepy drugged employee guy chomped down on his gum once more as he hunched over and dragged himself back to his post to resume his job which he was probably getting paid 10 bucks an hour for: bouncing the eyeball bouncy ball. Great customer service. Thanks, creeper.

The Asians eventually wandered out of the store, going on to discover new phenomenons of America, such as Starbucks or  Walmart or Target.  Ahhh, the luxuries of being an American...


  1. That was certainly a bizarre experience at a Halloween superstore, I mean, Asians stalking you around? That's gotta be creepy.

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