Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve

Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas Eve!! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas! If it feels like I have been neglecting the blog, I have. Remember when I took on the social networking challenge? Well it worked and now I'm addicted to Tumblr. It's like a blog. but easier to share pictures and such. So forgive me if it feels like I'm abandoning you! If you really want to get your daily dose of me, check my Tumblr:

http://darlingfarewell.tumblr.com/

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Reflection Numbers 5, 6, 7 and 8

      I want to live in a world that is free of sin and comprised entirely of Jell-O. Sin and Jell-o seem to go hand in hand; sin is the opposite of Jell-O, which represents peace. If sin did not exist, hatred and discrimination- two things I despise- would be foreign ideas to society. When I have a gelatin bed to fall into at the end of the day, a complaint will never again escape my lips. The truth here is undeniable; if we lived in a sinless world made of Jell-O, life would be perfect.
       I have a dream that one day, teenagers can attend a government funded high school where the spectacle of a teenage couple displaying public affection is not the first thing seen when they arrive at school. Watching insecure girls cling to their boy toy du jour is not something that I enjoy. Though public displays of affection past handholding are considered as abominations in the eyes of school officials, minimal action is taken to enforce these rules. My hope is that future generations will not be as exposed to such low teenage relationship standards as I am forced to be.
       I prefer Romeo to Prince Charming. Though every girl’s dream is to be swept off her feet by the perfect gentlemen, I think that it would be fun to enter into a whimsical relationship with a fickle young man who attempts to woo me with Shakespearean praises. Of course, I would certainly not enjoy waking up from a drug-induced slumber to find that he has killed himself after our three-day relationship. Though Prince Charming would never do such a reckless thing, I believe that Romeo would pull through for me because Juliet was a wishy-washy airhead whereas I am mentally stable and more mature than other girls my age. I would much rather court a spontaneous suitor than a predictable paramour.
       I am not an average stereotypical teenage girl who is easily shaped and swayed by the trends and common opinions of society. When the relentless surge of pressure to conform to society threatens to knock me down, I stand firmly rooted in my belief and personal opinions. I know that I am unique. It’s not often that a young woman possesses the ability to stay true to her high morals through high school. Even though I am not quite halfway through, I am confident that thus far, I have maintained integrity and earned the respect of those who surround me. At this point in my life, I do not know precisely where I stand in relation to the world around me; however, one thing I do know is that wherever I stand, I stand strong.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Reflection Number Four

Reflection Number Four:


       I do not particularly like people who randomly burst into song. There are times for spontaneous singing, and there are times for silence. When in my presence is a great example of a time for silence. Their songs are not appreciated or welcomed, and I am not impressed by their weak attempt to showcase their self-deemed amazing voices. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for making a joyful noise every once in a while; however, I am also all for people who recognize that silence is very, very golden. 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Reflection Numbers Two and Three

Reflection Number Two:


I love rainy days in the summer. Watching the steam rise from the road as the cool rain meets the scorching pavement is magnificently enchanting. I especially love thunderstorms. Exhilaration consumes me when I am surrounded by thunder so powerful that the ground shakes while a deluge of rain drums and pounds relentlessly against the roof. My favorite part of storms is the serenity that arrives after the clouds have cleared. When the burning heat of summer begins to take its toll, a cleansing rain always comes along to refresh my spirit.

Reflection Number Three:
        I believe that people with Mohawks have low self-esteem. The vast majority of those with radical hairstyles are not regarded by society as artistic, but instead they seem to be emitting a deafening cry for help and a desperate plea for attention. I believe that all people who have to beg for attention in such away are pathetic. If one was to examine a group of people who all do crazy things to get others to notice them, he would most likely find that such people actually showed signs of dependency, idiocy, and all around weak personalities from the get go. I have resolved to never invest my time into people who possess these qualities.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Reflection Number One

I have decided to follow through on my commitment to blogging this week, so I am going to share my latest reflective essay with you, one paragraph at a time. So here we go... EIGHT DAYS of reflective insight. Enjoy!

Reflection Number One:

I am a Rubix cube. This metaphor is not meant to lead one to believe that I am an individual with many hypocritical faces; I am not. I simply have a multidimensional personality. Much like a Rubix cube, those who possess simple minds are immediately attracted to my bright colors, but are just as soon repulsed by my complexity. No, this does not mean that I am a weird kid with no friends. In fact, this attribute that I bear is very efficient at weeding the fake people out of my life with whom I do not need to associate myself. My close friends often tell me that I am a fun person to be around because, as you will soon discover, my witty approach to life is utterly hilarious.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/sunshinemaniac

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Back to December

It's DECEMBER...what? Yeah. I cannot even grasp how quickly this year has slipped away. Spring disappeared, summer was a blur, and fall just didn't even happen. There was one day in late November that I remember regarding as fall, but other than that, it has just changed straight to winter. And with winter, soon comes Christmas. 25 days!!

When I am a young successful business woman, I hope to have a nice studio apartment with a very tasteful and extremely artsy touch. My Christmas tree will be simple, yet amazing.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Keeping Up With Your Networking

This week my goal is to conquer every popular networking website out there...

According to this website *** that I found through immense research (which means it was the first website on google...) these are the top social networking sites:

1. Facebook
2.MySpace
3. Twitter
4.LinkedIN
5. Ning
6. Tagged
7.Classmates.com
ETC. If you really want to look up the rest, you can.

The funny thing about this is that there are really only 3 of these that your average joe off the street has ever heard of- Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace. Facebook and Twitter are cool with me but MySpace is so outdated and abandoned that it makes any social network junkie want to cry. LinkedIN? Ning? Tagged? The majority of the privelged population has never even hear of such websites. I did a little research and found out what they are...

LinkedIN- a social networking site for professionals seeking business connections and potential clients
http://press.linkedin.com/about

Ning-I don't know how to summarize this...
http://www.friendster.com/info/index.php

Tagged- "Other social networks are for staying in touch with people you already know. At Tagged, we make it easy to meet new people through social games,friend suggestionsbrowsing profilesgroup interests and much more."
"Tagged is the place where people can discover hundreds of new friends or just meet that special someone. "
http://about-tagged.com/

Friendster- a social networking site for the nerds who play legitimate online games
http://www.friendster.com/info/index.php



SO I have accounts on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Blogspot and I am taking on the challenge of actually updating them on a regular basis. Hopefully I'll have some cyber success.

***http://www.ebizmba.com/articles/social-networking-websites

Friday, November 26, 2010

Turkey Lurkey is in the Oven

This marks the beginning of my return to fame.

HEY! Yes, I am alive, and if you're still reading this, then Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family! Now that Turkey Day is gone, Christmas is coming up fast and I am STILL procrastinating about shopping. I have a substantial amount of  shopping money this year because I have gotten smarter when it comes to spending. So since it's BLACK FRIDAY, I am going out to brave the lines and moronic drivers in hope of getting a good deal on some stuff.

Sam and me. How cute are we?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Sometimes Half is a Great Thing!

Birthdays are awesome. Of course, the bad part is that it only comes once a year. My birthday is about a month after Christmas, so I have all of the excitement of gifts and celebration basically all at once. But the thing that makes it all worth waiting for is the day that comes 6 months after my birthday. Yes, my half birthday. Yesterday (July 26) was my half birthday. This year it means a little more than my past birthdays. I am 6 months away from being eligible to obtain my driver's license!! That is so unbelievably exciting to me! I am so ready to drive without parental supervision. I won't have to ask my parents to drive me to a friend's house or take me to go get gum because I can just hop into my car and do it all myself! (if you're under the age of 14, you probably have no idea why I'm so happy.) Anyway, the six month mark was a major milestone for me! :) 

So my internet has been down, so I apologize that I haven't really gotten on here and written anything about my summer. There isn't much to say, though, because my summer has basically been like this:

Sunday: Church, Home, Lunch, Sleep, Shower, Dinner, Church
Monday: Drama Camp, Home, Sleep, Shower, Dinner, Sleep
Tuesday: (See Above)
Wednesday: (See Above)
Thursday: (See Above)
Friday: (See Above)
Saturday: Lunch, Sleep, TV, Dinner, Shower, Sleep
If you actually took the time to read all of that, then I'm sorry... you must have a similar schedule.

Of course, I left out a few things such as Facebook stalking people and playing solitaire... but otherwise, that's pretty much it. And yes, I do actually sleep that much!!

Friday, June 25, 2010

You Got Sparkles in My Mouth!!

 So today we had the final performance of the week. They did 3 scenes from Alice in Wonderland and then the entire Wizard of Oz play. We had two girls this week who were not only best friends, but also amazing actresses. Erin played Dorothy and the Mad Hatter and she was absolutely amazingly talented as well as one of the sweetest girls who has come through the camp. And then there was Kate, my "favorite camper" who was with me last year during the 3 week camp when we did Willy Wonka (and of course, she has already proven to be awesome). During the performance, everything went smoothly except for a missed cue by the Good Witch of the South (which was brilliantly saved by Kate when she improvised some lines and then went and got her).

Oh, and remember Jennifer?? I forgot to mention that Wednesday, she was trying to memorize her lines at pick up and then she started talking to herself, saying "I'm never going to memorize these lines!" and stuff like that. So I reassured her that she could indeed memorize her lines and told her that she had a great mind. Then she threw her script down and started whining so I sent in some of the older girls to encourage her. This was a really bad call on my part, because she of course ate the attention right up and said that she was quitting drama camp and she was stupid and she started "crying" (and while she was, she kept peeking to see if we were watching her. I then called off my backup and she started kicking a tree and muttering "I'm quitting drama camp!!". Well, despite her multiple threats to "quit drama camp", her hissy fits, and her slightly annoying personality, she actually pulled through for us. And she also decided to work with Rosina at her studio during the school year. Good luck with that...

 Before the show, we were spraying some hairspray with sparkles in it on the kids and their costumes. Abby and I had a sparkle spray fight and I definitely won by successfully aiming and shooting some into her mouth. She tried to return my amazing shot by getting some in my eyes but she ended up getting it all in my hair and on the side of my face. Ha! Win. Next week is going to be hard because my two partners in crime- Beth and Abby- are going on vacation. So it will just be Sam, me, and possibly Logan- Rosina's son. It will be hard trying to do everything backstage by myself, but I did do it alone before so I guess I will be able to pull it off.

* As a side note about the weather, I just wanted to acknowledge that it has been extremely HOT here for the past two weeks. When I come home from camp, I have to change my clothes and then just lay on my bed with my fan on for at least 10 minutes. Yesterday it got up into the high 90's! Right now, it's 8:10 and the temp outside is 90 degrees, feels like 97. The forecast says it's supposed to rain Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, so hopefully the rain will cool things down.

Tomorrow, I think we might be going to see Toy Story 3. Have you seen it yet? I heard it was a satisfying end to a great set of movies.

Stay cool!

No, seriously.

You might have have a heat stroke and then die.

Or get dehydrated.

Drink some water. Stay inside.

Save yourself.

:)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Please Keep All Articles of Clothing on at All Times

So drama camp for the past 2 weeks has been crazier than any other year. So far, week 1 was the best (probably because we only had one boy!). The kids were awesome and they all did an amazing job on their performances. Week 2 was crazy!! We had four boys who went nuts! One of the boys punched another in the face, I'm pretty sure they all had ADD, they had a slap fight with their hats, one of them called a girl fat multiple times, they didn't listen to instructions, AND to top it all of, we had a 'drama king' kid who thought that everything revolved around him. It was ridiculously insane!

This week, we have a girl named Jennifer who is crazy... she is very spoiled and causes trouble every time I turn around. We also have a kid named John who must like to take off his clothes. The first incident was when they were doing an exercise called 3 Changes. Partners turn their back to each other and change one thing about themselves (like untying a shoe lace or tucking in their shirt and then they face each other and try to figure out what they changed. Well of course, John and Jennifer were partners and while she undid her ponytail, he took his shoes off. The second time, he took his shirt off. So we made him put it back on. And then the third time, he dropped his pants and happened to not be wearing anything underneath. So we all were like "put your pants back on!!" and he finally did. Then later when we went swimming, we were telling the kids to go up to the bathroom to change and then meet back in the theater. And John stood up and pulled his pants down. So I ran over there, threw a towel at him, and I was like "What are you doing?!? Pull your pants up!" and he goes "I'm changing into my swim trunks!". And then I informed him that he most certainly would not be changing in front of everyone and I made him go up to the restroom.

Kids these days just need to learn to keep their clothes on.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Back for the Summer :)

Okay, I don't even know how to BEGIN to explain my super-long absence from this blog. I guess that school completely took over my life. Between homework and theatre stuff, my only free time was consumed by sleep! So I'm back again, and I'm going to start my blog back up for the summer. Once again, I will be volunteering at a theatre camp, and some of the same crazy kids will be back! That will all start on Monday, so I have this weekend to chill and then I will be back at camp.


The Sunday after school let out, I left for a mission trip to Baltimore, Maryland. My group worked on the east side of downtown Baltimore where we helped bring life into an old church so that a new church plant could be there. The church was founded over a hundred years ago. It then burned down in 1906 and they rebuilt it to what it is now. We did a lot of painting and cleaning to liven it up.





We also worked on two 'houses' that were next to the church. These houses are 13 feet wide and about 25 feet deep. There are 3 floors- a basement, a main level, and then the second level. All of the houses in the inner city look exactly like this. They are all built up right beside one another and they have 13 ft by 10 ft back yards (if you could even call them yards). The below house are some of the nicest ones that were there.

While we were there, we also picked up trash and weeded down both streets. It was a really cool experience because we got to talk to the people in the neighborhood and tell them what we were doing. They really appreciated all of our work. Each day after everyone had finished their work, the local kids got home from school. We found some chalk and everyone got to hang out with them. They were some pretty cool kids!















But it wasn't all fun and games. The inner city is a dangerous place! There were signs every where that said:




There were these siren thing on top of street lights that measured the time, speed, etc when a shot is fired. While a few of my friends and I were working, a guy pulled up near us in his car and said "Hey baby, you wanna go for a ride?" which we responded to by declining. About five minutes after that, a guy came out of his houses, saw us, and shoved a bag up his shirt. He looked down and then walked down to the corner and crossed the street to where another guy was standing. The 1st guy passed the bag to the second guy and he shoved it into his pants. Did I see a drug deal? Yes. Multiple. But we weren't there to rat anyone out, we were just there to spread the light of Jesus and fix up some houses and the church.










We also took a train into DC and had some fun there for a day.





















Monday, April 19, 2010

Twilight Film (for theatre)

Forbidden love. Rebellion. Vampires. These three ideas began to sweep the nation once Stephanie Meyer started to release her books in the Twilight saga. Teenage girls went vampire crazy and became obsessed with the thought of other mythical beasts, such as werewolves. In November 2008, Twilight turned into a movie, and for months, fans flocked to theaters like mindless moths to bright lights. Though the movie Twilight was wildly popular, I would never recommend it to anyone in their right mind. This film has without a doubt made my list of the worst films ever made.

One of the biggest mistakes that director Catherine Hardwicke made was the people she chose to cast. She took a big risk by choosing lesser known actors, and unfortunately, this is what ruined most of the movie. Though Robert Pattinson became an instant teenage heartthrob, his lead performance as the vampire Edward gave us nothing to love; his acting was monotonous and one sided. Another leading actor with the same problem was Kristen Stewart, who played Bella. Her acting was dull, uninteresting, and I had a hard time believing in her character. Sadly, the other up and coming supporting actors were not provided with an opportunity to prove themselves as worthy because the two lead characters overshadowed them with their lack of acting technique and skill.

The writers of this movie do not deserve a compliment either, because they also did a terrible job. Their adaptation and transformation of the book into the movie was unsatisfying and boring, They left out multiple parts of the novel which made the flow choppy and hard to follow. I must admit that changing a book into a movie can be a difficult task, but frankly, I believe that one of the Twilight fans could have completed the transformation more efficiently and also could have written a better script. The movie was predictable and not well thought out.

Some of the most exciting parts of the book were the fight scenes. Stephanie Meyer illustrated very compelling and interesting action scenes in the novel, and I did not feel like the excitement was captured and then carried out in the movie. The scene with the evil vampire and Bella in the empty ballet studio was pathetic. The special effects and stunts that were attempted and failed included the shifting and destruction of the hardwood floors and mirrors, the crazy vampire jumps, and the parts where Bella held on to Edward's neck while he ran and jumped. They looked fake and did not satisfy my standard for the intense action that should have been there.

Though this movie was a flop, I almost enjoyed it because I ended up laughing at the attempts at the special effects, stunts, plot unification, and acting. The entire movie was characterized by the weather in the fictional town of Forks: dull, gray, and boring. I would not recommend this to anyone because of the terrible acting, horrible and choppy plot, and the ridiculous special effects. This movie left me with a pessimistic attitude toward the Twilight saga movies that are scheduled to be released in the future.

Edgar Lee Masters essay :)

   When people are armed with weapons, they tend to do reckless things that they later end up regretting. It is often not until after a man commits a crime that he realizes the audacity of it. This, of course, does not only apply only to palpable weapons, such as guns, but also to intangible weapons, such as words. Just through the use of words, one can torment another past the point of no return. I was shown this in Edgar Lee Master's metaphorical poem "The Unknown" from his book, Spoon River Anthology. This poem revealed how a relationship can be permanently damaged through the example of a boy and a hawk.

  The web of human emotion is an intricate one, and once impaled, it is difficult to repair. Because this web is so intricate, one has to tiptoe very lightly when it comes to someone's feelings. Whether he realizes it or not, once a man oversteps an emotional boundary, the task of redeeming himself can be nearly impossible to complete. He can say that he is sorry as much as he wants, but the damage is usually already done. I believe that this illustrates the message that the author is trying to send the reader.

 Now that I look back, I realize that I have personally witnessed the effects of a deeply wounded friendship. Usually, when a problem with a friend arises, I find it easy to work through. But last year, I found myself friends with someone who constantly showered me with negative remarks and a pessimistic attitude. This poem brilliantly illustrates my former friendship because to me, it shows how she shot me out of the tree and wounded me. While listening to her insincere apologies over and over, I eventually learned to forgive her and then we parted ways. Unlike the caged hawk, I discovered how to set myself free: the key is forgiveness.
  
 When someone hurts me, I would rather try to forgive them and move on than sit and bask in resentment. For some people, forgiveness is not that easy to bestow upon one who has hurt them. Masters is attempting to communicate this to his reader. In the poem, he has appealed to the people in two tough situations: the tormented and the tormentor. He shows one side by depicting the painful struggle of  tormented souls through the wounded and caged hawk. The other side is illustrated through the guilty boy who begged for the forgiveness and friendship of the bird.
 
   Throughout this book, Edgar Lee Masters cleverly teaches a variety of lessons by presenting them in individual poems. Out of the 245 poems,  I chose "The Unknown" because I believe that it gives great advice. Masters advises the reader to not do or say anything recklessly; but he also says that if a man does something recklessly, he must live with the consequences and not expect forgiveness.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Free Pastry Day!

http://assets.starbucks.com/assets/1ac43f0b737a4b778Ba9c80ee14715ec.jpg

So tomorrow is free pastry day at Starbucks- don't miss out!!!

So today I got a 94 (!!!!!!!!!) on my research paper!!!!! I was so worried but incredibly, I made an awesome grade! This past week I have been dedicated to Oliver! the musical at school, and it ended on Sunday. It's crazy that I actually get to come home and rest every day!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Research Paper on the Russian Revolution

Ok, so I highly advise that you do not continue to read this. I just have to type my paper on blogger because my laptop doesn't have Word!

Since the beginning of the human race, there has been a struggle and a hunger for power. It began in the perfect Garden of Eden when man was first tempted to be all knowing and powerful. Eve was manipulated by a serpent into believing its lies, and once Eve fell for it, Adam followed. Throughout history, things have been no different. People have been tricked into believing the lies of a modern serpent and then acting upon them. During the rise of communism, the use of propaganda was similar to the purpose of the serpent; it was used as an unfair and extremely bias tool of manipulation.

In Russia, the term propaganda did not necessarily have anything to do with manipulation; it simply meant  the distribution of new material and ideas. On the other hand, the term agitation does have a negative connotation; it describes the media used to persuade people to do what the Soviet leaders wanted through the manipulation of their emotions. The communists constantly used agitation for their benefit. In fact, they used it so much that they created the Department for Agitation and Propaganda in 1920. Its goal was to coordinate propaganda work of all Soviet institutions. "Early Agitprop in the cities included parades, spectacles, monumental sculpture, posters, kiosks, films, and agit-stations, located at major railroad stations, which had libraries of propaganda material, lecture halls, and theaters" (1:15).  The department also monitored all local press and directed propaganda campaigns. This censorship was an important aspect of government control because "the control of information is a powerful tool" (Steele 47). For the communists, censorship was a key asset in their quest for power and support. They strategically censored all media so they could "influence people to believe what they were told by telling them only part of the truth" (1:103).

Because propaganda is everywhere, advertisers and propagandists know that people do not really have a choice as to whether or not they want to see or hear it. For propaganda to be successful, it needs to persuade the viewer to hold the same opinion or views as the distributor. This goal can be achieved through the three main modes of persuasion: logos, ethos, and pathos. Logos is appeal based on logic and reason, ethos is appeal based on the character or authority of the speaker, and pathos is the most common method of persuasion because it is based on emotion. Russian dictator Vladimir Lenin used the pathos method in his campaign slogan Peace, Land, and Bread. He appealed to the desires of the hungry people and manipulated them based on their poverty. In Germany, the Nazi party's slogan was Blood and Honor. This is another example of pathos because it captivated people's sense of pride. Through this slogan they also tried to attract support by making their ideas and goals seem honorable, heroic, and powerful, which appeals to the side of people that yearns for leadership and organization.

In addition to ethos, logos, and pathos, there are other propaganda techniques that are used everywhere. Appeal to fear is a propaganda technique in which the creator attempts to gain support for his idea by using deception and intimidation tactics. Adolf Hitler commonly used this technique when he threatened and lied to the Jewish population of Germany. He seduced and tricked the Jews by playing on their greatest fears. Another very popular technique is loaded words. When propaganda contains loaded words, the creator is trying to gain support or influence people by appealing to their emotions. The natural trust that most people have for others can be manipulated through the technique of loaded words because "if we are led to believe that communicators have nothing to gain and perhaps something to lose by convincing us, we will trust them and they will be more effective" (Pratkanis 133). Hitler used this propaganda technique to contribute to the rise of communism in Germany by releasing posters, fliers, films, and radio dialogue that took advantage of people's emotions. Experts in advertising and propaganda research have discovered that "one effective way to persuade the masses is to develop and repeat falsehoods" (Pratkanis 133). Hitler was a very clever deceiver when it came to this concept. He gave the misled population seemingly fresh hope by painting the picture of a united and strong government with powerful leadership. To do this, he used repetition throughout his released propaganda and media.

 From the rise of the Soviet Union in 1922 to its fall in 1991, the communists used propaganda to gain followers. Communists knew that "the more supporters they gained, the more power they would have" (Leone 84). Naturally, they tried to persuade everyone to favor their form of government. In Russia, Joseph Stalin used terror as an instrument to transform people's opinions and force submission to discipline as Lenin also did before him. In Germany, Adolf Hitler lied to and misled the German people by appealing to their emotions and taking advantage of their obliviousness. During the peak of the Soviet Union, propaganda was used to gain people's trust and faith in the communist government. Clever tactics were maliciously and deceitfully used to manipulate the people. When the majority of communism and its misleading propaganda crumbled along with the Soviet Union itself, people who were previously under the communist government were able to experience a whole new life that revolved around one principle that many people in America take for granted: freedom.



Works Cited

"Agitprop". Encyclopedia of Russian History.
     New York: Macmillan Reference USA, 2004.

Leone, Bruno. Communism.
    Minnesota: Greenhaven Press, 1978.

Pratkanis, Anthony. Age of Propaganda.
     New York: Henry Holt and Company, LLC, 1992.

Steele, Phillip. Political Manipulation.
    Chicago: Heinemann Library, 2006.

Monday, March 1, 2010

ANOTHER play!!

This one is about Tiger & Elin and Jon & Kate on a couples therapy version of the Amazing Race.


The Amazing Race: Celebrity Couples Therapy




Characters

Tiger Woods............................................... mid 30's, darker complextion
Elin Nordegren........................................... early 30's, slight Swedish accent
Kate Gosselin.............................................. early 40's, slight anxiety
Jon Gosselin................................................ mid 40's, laid back, submissive

Setting

Scene 1: This scene takes place at the base of a mountain where the clues are to be given out.

Scene 2: This scene takes place on a mountain, where four blocks float over a deep ravine.

Scene 3: This scene takes place in a small coffee shop with two tables.


The Amazing Race: Celebrity Couples Therapy

Scene One:

Dave:  Hello, and welcome to the Amazing Race!

(Tiger and Elin give nervous nods, Jon and Kate do the same. The

couples stand across from each other. )

Tiger: Hey, Dave? Uh, how long is this gonna last? I have an... uh...

appointment in a few hours...

Dave: Well, Tiger, that all depends on how well you do! For our

viewers just tuning in, this Amazing Race is about to come to a close.

Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush left us last week when they.... well,

broke up. Again. This week, it's the moment of truth. Whoever makes

it to the finish line first wins! Let's meet our couples now!

Kate: Hi, hi. I'm Kate and... (Kate rolls her eyes and looks at Jon)

Jon: I'm Jon...

Dave: Great to have you! What is your strategy today?

(Jon tries to speak, Kate immediately cuts in.)

Jon: Well Dave-

Kate: Um, honey, I'm talking here. Well, my strategy is to first get

through this race, and second, get through my divorce. There are so

many things to work out. The house, the show, the dogs... the kids... my hair...

Jon: And-

Kate: Jon, honey? Shh!!

Dave: And our other couple- Tiger and Elin. As most of us know, Tiger

has committed "multiple transgressions" and then apologized many

times. Elin, do you have anything to say?

(Tiger is looking down at his phone, reacting to text messages.)

Elin: I just vant to vin this race. Tiger and I are seeking professional

help and for the sake of our children, ve are really trying to save our

marriage.

(She looks over at Tiger and sees him with his phone. She frowns and

crosses her arms.)

Dave: Tiger? Could you put down your phone?

Tiger: Yeah, yeah. Sake of the kids-

Dave: Alright, are both teams ready?

(The contestants all nod.)

Dave: On your mark, get, set go!

(Both teams run across the stage to the clue box and grab their first clue.)

Kate: It says: travel on foot to the top of Falcon's View. You will find

your next clue there. Oh don't look so sad, come on Jon.

(She grabs Jon's arm and drags him offstage.)

Elin: Ve have to climb to the top of a mountain.

Tiger: A mountain? Wow, remember when we met? It was on a hike

up in the Alps. And then I proposed to you on a mountain, overlooking

the crystal clear lake below. It was-

Elin: Vait a second! Ve didn't meet on a mountain! Ve met in Florida...

on a blind date! Your friend planned it! And you proposed to me on a

crummy putt putt course!

Tiger: Oh, uh... wrong person.

Elin: Vhat?? Oh come on!

(She drags him offstage.)

Scene Two:

 (Kate emerges from the other side of the curtain.)

Kate: Jon?? JON? Come on!! (Jon stumbles out from behind the

curtain.) Whew!! That took a little longer than I thought!

Jon: Yeah, but I don't see Tiger and the model anywhere close-

Kate: Oh look, the clue box! (She runs over and pulls out a clue.)

"Roadblock: Who has the balance of a gymnast and the courage of a

lion?" Oh, that's me. I'll do it. You can't do anything. Hold my-

Jon: Now wait just a second! You have the balance of a hippo and the

courage of a mouse! Remember when we first moved into our first

house? You tried to paint the walls, but fell off the ladder and onto one

of our many kids... I will do this challenge.

Kate: But-

(Jon and Kate go into a stage freeze as Tiger comes out onstage.)

Tiger: Come on Jessie, we're almost there!!

(Realizing his mistake, he slaps himself.)

Elin: Vhat?? Jessie? My name is Elin!!! (She slaps him.) I know you

have had problems but the least you could do is get my name right!

Tiger: Uh, sorry... look! We're almost there! I see the child addicts up

ahead!

(The focus is returned to Jon and Kate as Tiger and Elin go into a

stage freeze.)

Jon: What does the rest of the clue say??

Kate: "Can you take the leap of faith? The floating stones in front of

you are held up by a magnetic pull that defies gravity. But be careful

and watch your step! One false move and you will find yourself

plummeting toward a three thousand foot drop, and then death."

Jon: Ok, let's do this!

(Four 'floating' blocks are in a row. Jon cautiously steps onto the first

one. His legs are shaking as he stands there unbalanced. Meanwhile,

Tiger and Elin unfreeze, move toward the clue box, and pull out the

clue. They read it, and Tiger points at Elin, indicating that she is the

one who will complete the challenge.)

Jon: Whoaa!! (He carefully steps onto the second block as Elin pounces

onto the first.)

Kate: Watch out Jon!! She's coming up behind you!

Elin: Ha, ha! That's right, Jon! Vatch out!

(Jon turns around nervously and sees Elin.)

Jon: AAHH!!!

(Elin makes a jump for the second block as Jon goes for the third.

Elin's foot slips and she clings onto the block for her life.)

Elin: HELP!!!

Tiger: Elin!! Hold on! Kate, grab my ankles!!!

(Kate grabs his ankles as they crawl toward the edge of the cliff.)

Kate: Dear God!! Have mercy on her!!

(Tiger crawls onto block #1 and reaches out toward Elin. Jon

continues to block #4 and sees the finish line ahead, then he looks back

at Elin.)

Kate: Jon, you can't save her!! Go to the finish line!! GO!! We must

win!! Don't screw this up!!

Elin: Someone help me!!!

(Tiger is trying to reach Elin, but is having trouble. Jon finally turns

back toward Elin.)

Jon: No, Kate, no. I am sick and tired of you being my superior! I am a

man!! I make my own decisions!! And I will do the right thing this time!

(Jon jumps from block to block, back to Elin. He smiles and reaches

toward her.)

Jon: Grab my hand!

Elin: Vow, thanks Jon!

(Elin and Jon go into a stage freeze. Kate drops Tiger's ankles in

disgust.)

Kate: Oh, I've had enough!!

Tiger: Me too! For the first time in seven years, I try to be a man and

save my girl, and then someone else swoops in and takes the credit.

Kate: Tell me about it! I was the one who popped out 8 kids and Jon

gets all the credit about being the sweet, easy-going guy. Which

automatically makes me the bad cop... with great hair!

Tiger: I don't think you're the bad cop! You just get a bad rap, kinda

like me! You know, we have a lot in common... do you want to grab a

coffee after this?

Kate: Sure!

(Tiger hops onto the first block and reaches his hand down to Kate to

help her up. Kate and Tiger freeze. Jon and Elin unfreeze. Jon helps

Elin onto the block and they continue on until they get to the finish

line.)

Elin: Thanks for saving my life, Jon!

Jon: Eh, don't mention it! It feels good to feel like a man again... the

whipped, submissive dog life I've been living lately isn't satisfying at all.

 Doing something worthwhile and being appreciated for the first time in

years... it felt great!

Elin: Vell, I am very much appreciative! I have always felt like I have

had to stay under the shadow of a famous golfer. You always hear how

"Tiger von this, Tiger von that", and I'm fed up! No one even knew my

name until Tiger's secret life rose from the shadows.

(Kate and Tiger unfreeze and start making their way from block to

block.)

Jon: Tell me about it! You know, we have a lot in common.. do you

want to grab a coffee after this?

Elin: Sure!

(All four of them arrive in the same place. They all cross the finish line

together. Suddenly, Dave pops out.)

Dave: Well, looks like we have a tie! Would you like to split the

money?

Tiger: Well... it's only a million dollars...

Jon: Let's donate it to charity!

Dave: Ok, great idea! How has this experience helped any of you?

(Kate looks at Tiger.)

Kate: Well, I found out that sometimes people aren't always what they

seem.

Jon: I second that!

Dave: Awesome! Well, that's all the time we have! Congratulations to

our four winners! (Dave looks at the audience.) And we'll see you next

time on the Amazing Race!

(The lights dim.)


Scene Three:

(Two tables with two chairs apiece are set up. The lights rise. Tiger walks in with Kate as Jon walks in with Elin. They all see each other at the same time. Kate points at Jon, Tiger points at Elin, and vice versa.)

ALL: CHEATER!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

another play

Game Show

(Three podiums are onstage with three contestants standing behind them. The host, Ted, enters. Ted, smiling, waves his hands to signal the audience to stop applauding and take their seats.)

Ted: Hello, and welcome back to Mash Up, where scholarly knowledge meets rediculously random. I'm you're host, Ted Thompson. Last night where we left off, our contestants were two questions away from-

(Pat jumps out from behind her podium and cuts in.)

Pat: TOTAL ANNIHALATION!!!

Ted: Hey! Get back there Pat!! We talked about this... (Pat runs back to her podium. Ted recollects himself.) We are getting close to finding out who will be our champion. This... is... Mash Up.

(Ted walks to his podium and gestures toward the contestants.)

Ted: Once again, here are our contestants. First up, we have Randy Butler from Rockwood, Tennessee. Tell us about yourself Randy...

(Randy smiles and nods. He is missing a front tooth and looks like he just rolled out of the woods.)

Randy: Well, I grew up in Tuba City, Arkansas where my daddy worked at a trumpet factory. It was very controversial. When I was 3 a rattlesnake done comed up behind me and I fought 'em off with my bare hands. I had a dog named Pumpernickle but her done got-

Jerry: Wow, great story. Have you done anything of note recently?

Randy: (Shrugs, uninterested and talks flippantly) Oh yeah, I just got out of Harvard a few months ago. I got me good and educated there. Top of my class. Then I done gone and wrote a book that's on its way to them fancy bookstores in a few weeks. Supposed to be on the best seller list and the-

Ted: Great. Now our next contestant here is Kelly Kardin... Kelly? Kelly...?

(Kelly is staring off into space. She suddenly hears Ted's voice.)

Kelly: Ohh, hey everybody! It's so great to be here. First of all, I would like to thank my fans for this award. Without you-

Ted: Kelly?

Kelly: Yeah?

Ted: Um...You're back on Mash Up... The game show...?

Kelly: Ohhh yeahh... what...?

(Kelly pulls out her phone and starts texting. Ted shrugs and moves on.)

Ted: And here is Pat Sullivan. Pat is a-

Pat: ...7 year reigning champion of the Rotelle County Annual Corn Chow Down. I'd like to see YOU go through 17 corn cobs in one minute. And you know what I won for it? Nothing! That's what happen when you listen to 'the man'. Do you have any idea how much corn that is??

(Ted shakes his head and turns back to the audience.)

Ted: And with that, we'll begin! (He pulls out his note card.) Ok contestants, here is the first question of the night: What common kitchen appliance is illegal in Cuba?

(Pat buzzes in.)

Pat: A microwave!

Ted: I'm sorry, that is incorrect.

Pat: Well then, they should make it illegal. Do you even know how many microwaves explode each year?!?

Ted: No, how many?

Pat: I have no idea.

(Kelly buzzes in.)

Kelly: I'm sorry Howie. This is a tempting offer- but it's not enough. A million dollars is in that case next to me, I'm sure of it. I'm going to have to go with my gut and say NO DEAL! (She slams her hand down on the podium and then throws her arms up in the air, welcoming nonexistant cheers.)

Ted: Wrong show, Kelly... And I'm sorry but that is also incorrect.

Kelly: Can I talk to the banker?

(Randy buzzes in.)

Randy: One of them toaster contraptions! I learned that in one of my fancy civics classes up at Harvard.

Ted: Yes, that is correct! Toasters are illegal in Cuba. Now there is a tie between Randy and Pat. And Kelly... well, let's just say that she has a negative number of points....

Kelly: No deal!!

Pat: Who even let that moron in here?

Ted: Er... anyway, it's time for the deciding question. Whoever correctly answers this will win the competition and our grand prize. Pat and Randy, are you ready?

Pat: I WAS BORN READY!!!!

Randy: Darn flabbit' you bet!

Ted: What do the M's stand for in M&M's?

(Pat buzzes in.)

Pat: More and more?

Ted: I'm sorry, no.

(Kelly buzzes in.)

Kelly: Bob, I'd like to place a bid.

Ted: (Sighs.) No, Kelly, that's The Price is Right. And my name is Ted.

(Randy buzzes in.)

Randy: Them two M's stand for Mars and Murrie! Learned that useless piece of information in my-

Ted: We have a winner!! Congratulations Randy! You win the grand prize, which is.... (The curtain slowly opens.) A new Toyota Prius!!

(Everyone strains to look and sees no car. They start to figure out that something is wrong.)

Randy: Hot diggity dog!! Where have you done and hid my brand new automobile??

Ted: (Has a flabberghasted look on his face.) It's gone.

Randy: Gone?!? (He pulls off his hat and scratches his head.) Well if it's not here, where is it then?

Pat: Someone must have stolen it!

Randy: STOLE?!?

Ted: Now, now, let's not jump to conclusions...

Randy: Can't you see me? I ain't jumpin' nowhere! I have me a new car and it ain't here! Haven't you got a CLUE where it is??

(Kelly pops her head up from her phone.)

Kelly: Professor Plum, with the rope, in the kitchen?

Randy and Ted: NO!

Pat: (Shakes her head.) This is the way the system works. It promises you something and then when it comes time, you don't get jack!

Ted: This was not my doing! We have had a theft! Now you both sit down and I'm going to get to the bottom of this mess!

(Pat and Randy retreat. Kelly looks up.)

Kelly: What's going on?

Ted: We are just about to-

Kelly: Can I spin the wheel now?

Ted: Excuse me?

Kelly: The wheel. You know, the one that goes whoosh and spins and lights up?

(Ted stares at her once again in disbelief. Pat cuts in.)

Pat: I bet I know who stole it... that airhead of a girl right there!! (She points to Kelly. Randy calms her down and steps in.)

Randy: Look, it ain't right to go 'round here accusin' people. Maybe Ted can tell us?

Ted: Right. A few hours before the show started, I was wrapping it up at Chuckie Cheese's where I was doing a gig for some kid's birthday party...er... Then I came to the studio and I don't remember checking to see if the car was there...

Kelly: I know the answer!

Ted: What...?

Kelly: What is, The Notebook?

Ted: Jeopardy this time? The Notebook? What has that got to do with anything?

Kelly: I-

Randy: Aw geez, now she's got a screw loose... Who lets these darn near crazy people in here?

Pat: One fry short of a happy meal...

Ted: Shh! What about the notebook?

Kelly: I found a notebook backstage... It had a to-do list in it. Here it is! (She pulls out the notebook and clears her throat.) One: Pick up Mom's sheets from the dry-cleaners. Two: Get a haircut. Three: Dismantle the bomb in the Prius. Four: Pick out flowers for-

Ted: Wait a second, bomb? WHAT? Security!!

Randy: Now just hold on a sec. I didn't mean for it to get out of hand...

Ted: YOU caused this??

Randy: Caused? No. Prevented? Yes.

(He looks around and sees the bewildered stares of his peers.)

Randy: Alright, alright. Enough already! My cover's blown anyway... (He looks down and then back up. The country accent is gone and now he has a British accent and a more distiunguished look.)

Randy: My name is Bradley Randoff, British special ops.

Kelly: What happened to Randy??

Randy/Bradley: Randy was a cover I was using. I have been tracking a major criminal for a few months now and he devised a plot to blow everyone here into smitherines by hiding a bomb in the Prius. I had to act fast so I stole the car and ran it into a lake, where luckily, the explosion went off safely underwater. The world is safe once more.

Pat: So you're working for 'the man'. I knew there was something about you that I coldn't trust...

(Ted steps forward and cuts in, grabbing Bradley's hand and shaking it vigorously.)

Ted: What she means to say is, thanks for saving our lives.

Randy/Bradley: Oh, please, don't mention it. It's what I do.

Pat: Oh, I see what's going on here... Well I just want to tell you that I also have a confession to make. I'm Hannah Montana!! Yeah, that's right!  I'm livin' a double life! Fame! Fortune! Stickin' it to the man! (She has a crazy look in her eyes as she cackles and staggers offstage.)

Randy/Bradley: Bloody cricket, she was a little crazier than I thought...

Kelly: Did I win?!?

Ted: Uh...

Randy/Bradley: Yes, congratulations. You are the next American Idol, Bachelorette, and Biggest Loser!

Kelly: YAY!! (She jumps up.) Can I do my acceptance speech now?

Ted: Go for it.

Kelly: Well, it's so great to be here. First of all, I would like to thank my fans for this award. Without you, I would be nowhere. Secondly, I feel like I need to thank my good friend and savior, Will Ferell because I don't know how I would have lived through my last break up without watching his Ricky Bobby movie a hundred times. Thank you everyone and have a great night! (She waves to the audience as she exits. Ted and Bradley are left onstage. They turn to each other.)

Ted: Well, Randy.. Er, Bradley... thanks for being on the show. And saving the world... you know, the usual.

Randy/Bradley: Like I said, all in a day's work. (He looks at his watch.) Oh look, it's tea time. I should go!

Ted: Yeah, bye!

Randy/Bradley: Farewell! (He waves and exits.)

Ted: (Turns back to the audience.) Well... that was interesting... But that's why we call it Mash Up- where scholarly knowledge meets rediculously random! I'm your host, Ted Thompson, and good night!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

That's Not the Way I Roll

Every day I look around and see people who are obviously putting on a show and pretending to be people that they really aren't. And you know what? I always try to pray that they can find themselves and then act normal. Because life's too short to be anyone else (haha). Putting on a performance every day just to fit into a stereotype is not the way I roll.


 Another thing is that people are snobbish in their own ways even if they aren't popular because everyone seems to hate everyone else who is out of their group. And, once everyone separates into their groups, there's no breaking in. I  feel bad for the new kids because they go from group to group and the people on the inside look at them and decide for themselves which place that kid belongs. It's just completely superficial judgement. And sadly, even though I don't want to be, I am one of those judges. Every person does it immediately; there's no avoiding it. But as soon as I write someone off to be a pot head, emo, nerdy loser, or preppy airhead, I kick myself for doing it. Even though they don't deserve to be judged, they get it. And so do I. I am judged just as harshly as everyone else. And if I have to be in a stereotypical group, at least I'm in a good one: the Christians.

Saturday, February 20, 2010